crazyskillsbloginitiative

I am out of sorts today.  My chest hurts.  And I find I no longer know which way is up.  A good friend once wrote, “The harder choice is usually the right one.”

I have a hundred things racing through my mind and can’t seem to get any of them on to the virtual paper.

…

My chest is killing me.

I used to think that the stream of consciousness was important for some reason - that it was somehow crucial for me to post.  These days, I don’t know so much.  I suppose we’ve gone somewhat mainstream with the posts on the crazyskillsbloginiative - you know, posting news stories and things like that.  But yeah - I used to think it was important.  Anymore, this post will likely not make it live.

I used to believe that my life depended on .. well .. strange things.  I was a confused kid.  I used to think that my life depended on maintaining a train of thought.  I was so introverted and frankly selfish.  I used to think that it was crucial (to my survival) to express how I thought about something - no matter the circumstances.  I don’t know why and anymore, i realize the world is much more forgiving than that.

I did, however, learn that it is not possible to will yourself to death.  I think that’s a good thing.  Don’t get me wrong - suicide is certainly possible (not that I am going there) but what I mean is actually killing yourself with your mind.  I no longer believe that it can be done.

I don’t do good things.  I am not a good person.  I take drugs to help me ignore that.  Yes I am talking about perscriptions from an actual licensed meatspace medical doctor.

I used to believe that a train of thought = sanity.  I know better these days.  And rarely, I can see beyond my own eyes.

Don’t wish your life was better.  Make it better.

Laughing is good for the soul, but crying can be good for the heart.

My chest is killing me.  More later.

make me feel alive.